{"id":9500,"date":"2014-09-01T02:00:31","date_gmt":"2014-08-31T23:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/?p=9500"},"modified":"2019-11-21T09:32:26","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T07:32:26","slug":"14-01-02","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/14-01-02\/","title":{"rendered":"02. Principles of the Mitzva of <em>Ona<\/em>"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The mitzva of <em>ona<\/em> is for the husband to couple with his wife, in an atmosphere of love and ecstasy, and to pleasure her as best he can, until her ecstasy climaxes in orgasm; he remains coupled with her until he ejaculates inside her vagina (see also below, 2:1). This is the meaning of the verse \u201cHe shall not withhold her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights\u201d (Shemot 21:10). Since the husband\u2019s physical capacity is limited, the frequency of the mitzva is determined by what his physical capacity and professional responsibilities make possible. Those who are in good health and who live comfortably without having to exert themselves too much must fulfill the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em> daily. Ordinary laborers are obligated twice a week. Men whose work requires them to leave home are required to fulfill this mitzva once a week. In addition, if either spouse desires intimacy, the other spouse must be responsive (below, 2:7-8).<\/p>\n<p>This mitzva is the essence and foundation of marriage. A man who does not perform this mitzva in order to cause his wife pain is in violation of the Torah prohibition, \u201cHe shall not withhold\u2026her conjugal rights.\u201d If he does not perform it out of simple negligence, but does not intend to hurt his wife, he violates a rabbinic prohibition. Some say that even in such a case, he violates a Torah prohibition.<sup><a href='#_te01ftn1_2' id='_te01ftnref1_2' class='aup1'>[2]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n<p>Moreover, through the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em>, husband and wife fulfill the mitzva to \u201clove your fellow as yourself\u201d in its most perfect form: each of them looks out for the other\u2019s well-being as best they can. And since the greatest pleasure that people can experience in this world is connected to the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em>, a man who deprives his wife of this joy and pleasure oppresses her, since no one but him can bring her this joy. Likewise, a woman who deprives her husband of this joy and pleasure oppresses him, for no one else can fill this void for him (2:1 below).<\/p>\n<p>Dereliction of this mitzva is the principal grounds for divorce. If a husband declares that his wife repulses him and that he has no interest in sexual relations with her and bringing her pleasure as often as duty requires, she is entitled to file for divorce and to receive the compensation specified in her <em>ketuba<\/em> (marriage contract). Even if the husband is willing to couple with her but adds, \u201cI cannot unless we are both clothed,\u201d he must divorce her and pay the <em>ketuba<\/em>, since he is unwilling to couple with her lovingly, with no barrier between them. Similarly, if a wife does not consent to sexual relations with her husband at the frequency specified, or is only willing if she remains clothed, he has the right to divorce her without paying her <em>ketuba<\/em> (<em>Ketubot<\/em> 48a; SA EH 76:13). Spouses who refuse to keep to the specified frequencies are called \u201crebellious,\u201d for they are rebelling against the sacred duty they accepted on themselves when they married (<em>Ketubot<\/em> 63a; SA EH 77; see below ch. 2, sections 7-8, 11-12, and n. 6).<\/p>\n<div>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<div>\n<a href='#_te01ftnref1_2' id='_te01ftn1_2'>[2]<\/a>. A man who does not perform the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em> violates a negative commandment (MT, Laws of Marriage 14:7 and 15; SA EH 76:11). If he does not intend to cause his wife pain, he does not violate a negative commandment (Rambam, <em>Sefer Ha-mitzvot<\/em>, <em>Lo Ta\u2019aseh<\/em> \u00a7262; <em>Mabit<\/em> 3:131). However, he is in violation of a rabbinic prohibition (Rav Kook, as cited in <em>Te\u1e25umin<\/em> 1, p. 9). Others maintain that even if he does not intend to cause his wife pain, he still violates a negative prohibition (<em>Responsa Maharam Alshikh<\/em> \u00a750). According to R. Sa\u2019adia Gaon (<em>Sefer Ha-mitzvot<\/em> \u00a772), <em>Sefer Ha-eshkol<\/em> (27:20), Rashba, and <em>Ohel Mo\u2019ed<\/em>, there is also a positive commandment to have marital sexual relations. R. Yeru\u1e25am Perla explains that this is based on the preceding verse, which states that one who designates a maidservant for marriage to his son, he must provide for her \u201cas is the practice with free maidens (<em>ke-mishpat ha-banot<\/em>)\u201d (Shemot 21:9). Thus, although the verse that lists <em>she\u2019er<\/em>, <em>kesut<\/em>, and <em>ona<\/em> is formulated in the negative (\u201che shall not withhold\u201d), the prior verse describes the same duties in the positive.<\/p>\n<p>Others say that we can derive from an additional verse, \u201cHe will give happiness to the woman he has married\u201d (Devarim 24:5), that a husband must bring his wife pleasure through the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em>. Although this verse refers only to his exemption from military service during their first year of marriage, we nevertheless can infer that whenever they are together, he has a mitzva to bring his wife joy and pleasure through the mitzva of <em>ona<\/em> (<em>Smak <\/em>\u00a7285; <em>Ohel Mo\u2019ed<\/em>, <em>Sha\u2019ar Isur Ve-heter<\/em>,<em> derekh<\/em> 11, <em>netiv <\/em>2; and <em>Sefer \u1e24aredim<\/em> 20:8). Commenting on <em>Pesa\u1e25im<\/em> 72b, Rabbeinu \u1e24ananel agrees that there is a positive commandment of <em>ona<\/em>, but he derives it from yet another verse: \u201cReturn to your tents\u201d (Devarim 5:27; see section 6 below).<\/p>\n<p>A corollary of this mitzva is that a husband should sleep in the same room with his wife even when she is a <em>nidda<\/em> (<em>Eruvin<\/em> 63b). We will explain below (2:2) why this mitzva is formulated as the husband\u2019s obligation. In any case, it is a mitzva and a duty for the wife to respond to her husband with joy for the fulfillment of this mitzva.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The mitzva of ona is for the husband to couple with his wife, in an atmosphere of love and ecstasy, and to pleasure her as best he can, until her ecstasy climaxes in orgasm; he remains coupled with her until he ejaculates inside her vagina (see also below, 2:1). This is the meaning of the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[154],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-14-01"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>02. Principles of the Mitzva of Ona - Peninei Halakha<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/14-01-02\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"02. Principles of the Mitzva of Ona - Peninei Halakha\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The mitzva of ona is for the husband to couple with his wife, in an atmosphere of love and ecstasy, and to pleasure her as best he can, until her ecstasy climaxes in orgasm; he remains coupled with her until he ejaculates inside her vagina (see also below, 2:1). 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