{"id":9536,"date":"2014-09-02T11:00:29","date_gmt":"2014-09-02T08:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/?p=9536"},"modified":"2019-11-21T10:13:11","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T08:13:11","slug":"14-02-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/14-02-11\/","title":{"rendered":"11. Men Who Have Difficulty Fulfilling the Mitzva"},"content":{"rendered":"
Everything we have learned regarding the man\u2019s duty of ona <\/em>relates to healthy men, who transgress a Torah prohibition if they subtract from the set frequency for ona<\/em>. If this behavior continues, it is obvious grounds for divorce, and the wife receives her ketuba<\/em> payment in full (1:2 above). However, if a man\u2019s difficulty in fulfilling the mitzva at the set times is attributable to a health problem, his only obligation is to do what the doctors deem him capable of (SA EH 76:3). Since problems often stem from specific hormone deficiencies or other medical conditions, and most of these issues are now treatable, he is obligated to consult with doctors. Occasionally, psychological or emotional problems are what cause him to forgo onot<\/em> or to not make his wife as happy as he should. He must seek treatment for these issues as well. If it is a minor issue, consulting a rabbi is usually effective. If the problem is serious, he must seek the help of a God-fearing therapist who specializes in that area. If the husband neglects to deal with the problem appropriately, he negates a Torah commandment. Because he is not properly fulfilling the times of ona<\/em>, his wife may file for divorce, and he must pay her ketuba<\/em> in full.<\/p>\n If the husband has done his best to correct the problem by consulting with doctors and therapists, yet is still unable to fulfill the mitzva of ona<\/em> on a regular basis, then as long as he manages to consummate their relationship at least once every six months, thus meeting the least frequent requirement for ona<\/em>, namely, the practice of sailors (section 7 above), it is not grounds for divorce and payment of the ketuba<\/em>. If he cannot meet even this minimum threshold, his wife can decide how to proceed. If she is willing to live with him in this state, she is permitted to do so, and if she wants to divorce, her husband must divorce her and pay her ketuba<\/em> in full (SA EH 76:11). It goes without saying that even a man who cannot fully consummate their relationship must still please his wife and gladden her with kisses, embraces, and caresses that bring her to orgasm. In general, if a husband does this, even though he cannot engage in intercourse, his wife will not want to divorce him.[10]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n If one\u2019s wife is truly willing to forgo ona<\/em>, her relinquishment is valid as long as her husband has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation. However, if he has not yet fulfilled this mitzva, he is required to fulfill all the set times of ona<\/em> during which there is a chance that she will get pregnant. If he is unable to fulfill his conjugal duties, he must heed the instruction of doctors to fulfill his mitzva (SA EH 76:6).<\/p>\n Even when the husband has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation and the wife is willing to forgo ona<\/em>, he should preferably not give up on this mitzva. Rather, he should get medical advice about what might allow him to fulfill ona<\/em> properly, since that is the proper and healthy way to live. A person should try to fulfill all the mitzvot<\/em> even when there is no absolute obligation to do so (such as wearing tzitzit<\/em> or undertaking acts of kindness). Similarly, he should make every effort to fulfill this precious and holy mitzva, which is responsible for the Shekhina<\/em> dwelling in the world in general and with the couple in particular.[11]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n