{"id":9707,"date":"2014-09-08T01:00:58","date_gmt":"2014-09-07T22:00:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/?p=9707"},"modified":"2019-11-21T13:44:54","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T11:44:54","slug":"14-08-01","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ph.yhb.org.il\/en\/14-08-01\/","title":{"rendered":"01. The Pain of Infertility and Its Causes"},"content":{"rendered":"

The suffering of the childless is intense. The Sages say, \u201cA person who has no children is considered to be like the dead\u201d (Nedarim<\/em> 64b). They base this on the verse, \u201cWhen Ra\u1e25el saw that she had borne Yaakov no children, she became envious of her sister; and Ra\u1e25el said to Yaakov, \u2018Give me children, or I shall die\u2019\u201d (Bereishit 30:1). By making this statement, the Sages are trying to help people understand the depth of the anguish of the childless, so that they will pray for them (Tosafot<\/em> ad loc.<\/em>). Even couples who already have children but long to have more can become despondent, especially when they live in a community where large families are the norm.<\/p>\n

The question is how we are to understand this suffering: As some kind of punishment for transgression, in which case a person must repent in order to merit having children? Or is one\u2019s fate sealed even before he is born, in which he is blameless in his suffering?<\/p>\n

The answer is extremely complex. Sometimes suffering stems from sin, sometimes from fate, and sometimes from a combination of both. Sometimes repentance and prayer help, and sometimes not. It depends on countless factors, as we will now explain.<\/p>\n

The Sages say, \u201cLife, children, and sustenance do not depend upon merit, but rather upon mazal<\/em>\u201d (Mo\u2019ed Katan <\/em>28a). \u201cLife\u201d refers to length of life, \u201cchildren\u201d refers to the number of children, and \u201csustenance\u201d refers to livelihood. These were all assumed to be determined by one\u2019s fate at the moment of the person\u2019s birth, and not by merit. The Talmud proves this from the fact that Rabbah and R. \u1e24isda were both righteous people whose prayers were answered in a time of drought. Yet R. \u1e24isda lived to be 92, while Rabbah died at forty. R. \u1e24isda\u2019s family celebrated sixty weddings, while Rabbah\u2019s household endured sixty bereavements. R. \u1e24isda\u2019s household was so wealthy that even its dogs were fed high-quality wheat bread; Rabbah\u2019s household was so poor that they sometimes did not even have low-quality barley bread on the table (ibid.<\/em>). This accords with the Sages\u2019 statement, \u201cThere is no reward for mitzvot<\/em> in this world\u201d (Kiddushin<\/em> 39b). Reward for the mitzvot<\/em> we fulfill and punishments for the sins we commit are not received in this fleeting world but rather in the eternal world of truth.<\/p>\n

The term \u201cmazal<\/em>\u201d used by the Talmud is what we would call \u201cfate.\u201d As we know today, a person\u2019s genetic makeup is fixed at the moment of conception, and it is a major determinant of how tall, smart, or healthy one will be and what they will look like. The Sages\u2019 statement that life, children, and sustenance are determined by fate at the moment of birth expresses a similar idea.<\/p>\n

Yet this seems to be a matter of dispute among the Sages. According to R. \u1e24anina, the Jewish people are subject to mazal<\/em>, while according to R. Yo\u1e25anan they are not (Shabbat<\/em> 156a). However, the commentators explain that all agree that mazal<\/em> has a strong influence, and all agree that the Jewish people, more than any other people, can sometimes change their mazal<\/em> through prayer and good deeds. The disagreement lies in the question of whether it is common or rare for a Jew to change his mazal<\/em> (see Tosafot<\/em> on Shabbat<\/em> ad loc<\/em>.; Ritva and Ran on Mo\u2019ed Katan<\/em> 28a).<\/p>\n

The idea is that every person has a specific destiny to fulfill in this world, and their mazal<\/em> is determined accordingly. Sometimes one\u2019s destiny requires him to be poor and wretched; other times, it may require him to be rich and healthy. Sometimes a person\u2019s fate is set in stone and there is no escaping it (except in very rare cases). Other times, it is not absolute, and his actions will determine whether he suffers or flourishes. Sometimes, suffering purifies people and saves them from something even worse. In such cases, it is specifically the righteous who suffer. In any case, until the world reaches moral perfection, there will be human suffering, and the way people cope with their suffering can bring moral refinement to the world.<\/p>\n

From a certain perspective, the pain of childlessness differs from other types of suffering. Since having children is a mitzva, righteous people make a greater effort to change their fate in this area, and sometimes the merit of the mitzva may help them alter fate. Even so, there have been righteous people who have been childless.<\/p>\n

After this preface, we can now address the proper way to cope with the pain of childlessness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The suffering of the childless is intense. The Sages say, \u201cA person who has no children is considered to be like the dead\u201d (Nedarim 64b). They base this on the verse, \u201cWhen Ra\u1e25el saw that she had borne Yaakov no children, she became envious of her sister; and Ra\u1e25el said to Yaakov, \u2018Give me children, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[161],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-14-08"],"yoast_head":"\n01. 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